i just need to vent :(
Open SF is this weekend.
I have known about it for months. I knew it was coming. I read things on the site, and informed myself to the things that will be going on.
I just can't stop thinking about it. Panic. Nervous. Insecure.
My boyfriend wants to go, and I want him to go too, but I am just still really really scared. Of what? Irrational things. Thinking he is going to have sex with 100 people, tell people he meets that he isn't in a relationship, not talk to me about what happened during the convention, or meeting some one who can replace me for a while. Mono/Poly.. I see it throughout these threads, and even wrote a previous thread about my own experience, its a fucking challenge.
I saw a lecture for Mono/Poly during the convention and recommended it to my BF. At the end of it's description it says to discuss the 'is this person even worth it' factor and that line alone makes my eyes well up. I have some things to go do this weekend that will hopefully distract me enough, but i know myself, and this will be dragging in my mind all weekend.
those feelings make me feel weak and dependent and uncharacteristic of me.
Thank you for reading if you did, I just really needed a place to write all my feelings down and feel entitled to have them. I am thinking I should be way more active in this message board because I need a support group of people who understand.
*inhale... exhale... *