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Old 06-05-2012, 05:02 PM
Outsider Outsider is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 17
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I just wanted to say good luck, and thank you.

It's interesting what people get from wanting to learn about themselves. As well because of on line communities such as this there are entire new ways to share information and support.

I've read your blog from start to finish, it's weird because I almost feel like I know you, and most of the extended family you mention. It's strange to be pulling for folks I've never met, but there it is.

A few posts back you lamented about if you overwhelmed the people around you, in another post you wondered if your loves felt neglected occasionally ... Not long before that the posts were "everything was right with your world" uber happy etc.

Look I'm not just a relative poly novice, I'm a complete novice ... Relatively I'm subterranean novice ! --- but on the surface it is often said that people exploring this lifestyle often have to move at the pace of the slowest person.

As I read about the latest developments and your raw feelings of late .... I couldn't help but wonder how much a role process, time and your aforementioned potentially overwhelming personality might have played into this. Sometimes our strengths are also our weaknesses.

You've described mono as a loving caring man who is intensely private in some ways.

You had just come through some emotional turmoil, some of which rightly or wrongly he likely felt some guilt about because he felt he might have been holding you back ...... In short order you'd met and developed an interest in a couple of other individuals ( who sound great btw) .... You certainly seemed very happy about this, that's a no-brainer I mean how were you supposed to feel ? ..... But my point is that during this time He was doing some soul searching as well. Researching, thinking, peeling his own onions so to speak and during that time became closer to a friend and some feelings surfaced.

I think I totally get where you are comming from in terms of withholding information, but I guess I'm unclear exactly when it would have been a good time to bring you into the loop? You were healing and branching out and seemingly quite happy with his new found ability to move or remove a boundary / negotiated line in the sand that had been up untill now a unique compromise that was one of the structural foundations of your relationship.

I might be simplifying it entirely too much but, your posts seemed to indicate (to me) that you weren't quite sure what was going on with mono but he seemed full of compersion ..... And that was good enough for you to change up some relationship dynamics ( again with full disclosure, totally above board etc) rather quickly. This all seemed to make you very happy. If we saw this I'm confident he did as well...... But what I'm saying is that not knowing exactly why this was occurring did not stop you from taking advantage of the opportunities this new found boundary lifting / erasing created , during a time when you were also hurting.

It seems to me that an equally probable scenario that could have unfolded is that mono could have come back and said "I thought I could do things differently, I didn't want you to be hurt again etc ..... But i'm sorry I can't. That would be a pickle too wouldn't it? For at least 4 people directly if my count is correct.

I mean you have repeated so many times on this board how this compromise worked, and certainly not with a self pity theme ---- but any way you cut it you needed to forego additional relationships, for you two to be together. It's interesting though because I think one of the things you got out of this was to have mono's undevided romantic attention ..... You referenced this thought verbatim --- a few posts back but I don't recall that revelation occurring before (though there are thousands of posts so I could have missed it) ..... I'm not saying this is a good or bad thing, just that it's interesting if this is the first you've really thought about that.

All I know is that my understanding was that adding additional people coupled with either yourself or mono was historically seen as a potential detrimental to your dynamic as you know it. Maybe your emotional relationship with Leo placed him outside his comfort zone ... And while not always pleasant, caused some growth.... Leading to him to some thought changes.
Regardless you seemed to change the gears rather quickly and embraced the situation with your usual energy, your already busy schedule got busier. To the subject at hand Perhaps he did choose not to discuss it with you, but you guys are discussing it now, not much has happened as I understand it .... But I can understand the bad feelings you have that perhaps border on betrayal ......
I also understand mono's initial thoughts on the subject better.

I hope everything all works out, and for what it is worth I sincerely wish you luck.
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