Feelings... oh oh oh feelings
I know that in triads that all the participants don't feel the same about each other. That one person can be more into one than into the other in all the perambulations that exist.
So, that said, why I certainly like Lovely, I'm fairly sure that she's more into both of us than I am into her, and that Bear is more into her than I am. And, that's fine.
Maybe I'll develop more romantic feelings as time goes on. Maybe I won't.
If I don't, I'm already seeing her as /his/ gf, not mine.
There is nothing about her that is wrong, or gross, or anything negative. Quite the opposite, there are all kinds of good things about her. She just doesn't make my liver quiver.
Maybe it's the distance thing. While I've dated people that I met online, and Bear and I met online, those relationships became face-to-face relationships after a couple of weeks. This relationship is 99% online and on the phone.
For me it seems to be difficult to maintain that NRE when I don't get to SEE the person.
Gah, I feel like a flake. Lovely and I agreed that we want to explore this relationship and see what the possibilities are. But right this instant, I'm feeling rather ambivalent about the whole thing.
Oh, and did I mention that I have a depression issue? Yeah... I take meds, but it raises it's ugly head every now and then and I'm feeling a little down. And /that/ throws EVERYTHING off.
One of my besties says that I act just like his wife, who has bipolar. Lemme tell ya, I've been up and somewhat manic for the last week and now, here I am sliding off into the cess pool. Oh joy, oh thrill.
The good news is that I recognize (generally) when I'm sliding off my cracker and can take some steps to ameliorate the problem. And, I can warn those around me that I'm feeling off. That helps them to deal with my mood swings.
Huh, maybe y'all should just ignore me for a day or two until I'm feeling better. Too bad there isn't a rescue inhaler for depression LOL Oh, and despite being depressed, I will continue to crack jokes and be silly. It's part of how I deal with it and pump myself back up.
I will most likely feel completely different in a couple of days. I'll let ya know when I've dragged myself back to the shore and out of the mire : )
Pinky, 41, f, bi. Married to Bear, 42, m, straight.
Not dating anyone right now.
I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.--EAP