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Old 06-05-2012, 11:05 AM
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Emm Emm is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Australia
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yumi View Post
I respect that they need to make decisions as a couple to keep their relationship healthy and the both of them happy...
Has he said this? I made the same assumption about B2 and his wife, then based a whole lot of my behaviour on that premise. When I actually spoke to him about it I found that I'd been tying myself in knots trying to stay out of the way of his relationship with his wife for no good reason. It turns out that the two of them are secure in their relationship and don't feel it needs to be "protected". That meant the things I did in order to make myself appear non-threatening were unnecessary.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yumi View Post
Prior relationships, we would be able to see each other whenever we wanted, and multiple times a week if we weren't living together. This, we have to schedule in advance, and I'm not sure what frequency is 'appropriate', because I'm still not sure precisely what our relationship is - we don't define as 'boyfriend/girlfriend', lovers I guess. When I like someone - love them, I like to spend time with them. So at times since I am unsure on the 'appropriate frequency' I feel like a nag, or needy, since I never feel like the few hours together when they do happen are enough.
This was a prime example of one of the problems caused by my assumptions above. I felt I was a low priority in his life because I usually only got to see him once per week and when he did suggest doing something on a different night he often cancelled. I felt that asking him to make more time for me would be seen as too needy or an attempt to sneak out of my designated Tuesday night timeslot (which would, of course, be on some level a threat to his marriage and which therefore must be stopped), and that to complain about the ever-changing non-Tuesday plans would annoy him. He was astonished to hear my concerns when I brought them up, explaining that he preferred to make "maybe" plans and cancel if stuff came up than to arrange something at short notice if he had unexpected free time. He hadn't thought that I was moving everything else in my life around to free up that "maybe" timeslot and agreed to take a different approach. Even though I mostly still only see him on Tuesday nights, knowing that I'm allowed to ask for more and that when he says he has time for me he means it is all I needed.

Last edited by Emm; 06-05-2012 at 11:11 AM.
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