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Old 06-04-2012, 11:04 PM
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PolyLinguist PolyLinguist is offline
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Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
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Thank you for your comments, redpepper. They give me some insight as to how some poly people think, and since I am new to this community, every insight is valuable. But remember, I do not come from the same "place" as you do, or probably where most people come from. Let me elaborate:

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Isn't it up to the hinge of a vee to figure out what is going on for them and confirm for themselves if there is a primary relationship there or not. Some might have a more primary relationship with their bf than their husband. Others might find that they are in love with both evenly, what does it have to do with the relationship that the two men have with one another? (using the vee of two men and a woman hinge because that is what I am in)
Of course it is for the hinge to have the major responsibility for his/her well-being. But if I am in a responsible relationship with a hinge, I too have some responsibility: I can't just wash my hands of her emotional situation and say, oh, just deal with it. Maybe some people do that, but I wouldn't be me to behave in that fashion.

In any case, the most likely situation for me, if I ever get there, is to be a hinge: in an established relationship with my SO, and in another with someone else (or, much less likely, with more than one), who would be, for want of a better word, my "secondary/ies". My relationship with my SO is not on the line here: if a possible secondary can't accept it, the relationship will not happen. That's part of the deal I made with my wife, and I don't renegue on such deals (and why would I want to?).

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Really, when it comes down to it, poly relationships have a degree of separation involved with partners. People who have been monogamous to their partners for years, have been their everything and they have been everything to them would find it very hard to understand the autonomous feeling that comes with poly I would think.
I see comments like this in the poly world, but I think it is a bit of a caricature of the mono world. I and my wife are not everything to each other, we have our own hobbies, interests, friends in addition to what we share. We are autonomous human beings already, and would find it stultifying to be chained together for all activities, the way some monogamous couples seem to be. Maybe this is why it is easy for us to envision outside relationships - but at the same time, this means that we do not see ourselves particularly as rebels against an evil mono world.

Last edited by PolyLinguist; 06-04-2012 at 11:07 PM.
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