It has been a balancing act for me over the years to find a place that is not teetered over the edge into flaming and a crash and burn forum and one that is so soft and mild mannered its boring. There have been several occasions where we have had to remove people from here for various reasons and we as the mods have discussed, at great length sometimes, what we should do. We have not always agreed, but we have always, I think, reflected the spirit of this forum in our conversations. That spirit is one of respectful consideration of our differences and styles of written communication. I intend to continue that as years go on. I don't expect that others will as there have been many that have come and gone, but I intend to rise about my compassion fatigue (over and over again,
) and be the team player I signed up to be.
Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion
We want it to be a place for people to share their experiences and get advice, discuss issues etc. Our approach is generally hands off as much as possible and in my viewpoint that's been for a few key reasons.
We want people to be able to express themselves with minimal fear of censorship, even when what they have to say may be controversial. I used to enjoy a good debate at home IRL years ago, but it requires that people to respect each others opinions, but also take responsibility for the debates, discussions, and conflicts that may arise from their own actions.
But also, like real life, or the dinner party example, there aren't referee's sitting around to constantly police their guests to be nice and gentle with each other. So unless there's a serious issue where we get complaints, we leave it to members of this community to practice all the classic poly skills, as well as the more universal set of everyday interpersonal communications. Whether tough love, or gentle touchy feely, or something in between, each person comes from a place of what works for them.
The community is mostly self regulating on it's own...which is where threads like this are awesome. Not necessarily to badger each other into changing the way we conduct ourselves, but at least communicate about what affect certain communication styles have on others, and raise awareness of how our behavior can affect others, both where it helps, and where it can hinder. And that can apply equally to the kinder gentler styles, and the tough love styles.
It's not up to the mods to make everyone be kind, nor to insist that people aren't coddled, or to sooth them when they don't like the way a dose of reality was reflected to them. It's up to the members of the community to figure out how much of each is the right balance, both in general and for the individuals that we're trying to help. At the end of the day, regardless of the method being employed, I think everyone here has a sincere desire to help their fellows on this forum.
Imaginary speaks for me in this post. We have talked about what he has said many times. The only thing we may disagree on as mods is how much I post.
I am willing to put myself out there as redpepper the regular on this forum as much as I am willing to be redpepper the mod of this forum. I hope I pull off both.