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Old 06-04-2012, 06:38 PM
hyperskeptic hyperskeptic is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 451

A further attempt at clarification . . .

Originally Posted by Vixtoria View Post
So perhaps the OP questions have different answers for you specifically. I've seen it go both ways, though typically more one way than another.

The situations don't follow my own either, but generally, that is what I see, on this forum, on other forums, on poly/mono lists, and in real life.
Going back to the OP's clarification:

Originally Posted by mostlyclueless View Post
Let me clarify -- I'm talking about the threads where people come here and say, "my spouse is adamantly opposed to open/poly relationships, how can I convince him/her to let me have one?"
Perhaps what I'm trying to emphasize is that we have some tools and ideas for helping people to think again about how they approach such situations . . . rather than just getting annoyed with those who come here for help.

We could advise them that, rather than 1) holding the marriage hostage until their demands are met or, 2) engaging in semantic tricks about whether an ironclad promise of monogamy is built in to the marriage "contract", they might do better (or do less harm) if they think of it as a renegotiating the terms of a partnership . . . and that only if the other partner is willing.

I mean, seriously, don't people read Fisher, Ury, et al. any more?

(Getting to Yes and Getting Past No, Harvard Negotiation Project - add them to your poly communication tool kit.)
the cake is a lie
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