Originally Posted by Vixtoria
The 'assumption' of a marriage being monogamous is valid. Unless stated otherwise. You and your wife stated otherwise, at least to each other. So that works for you.
I don't believe it works to get married, never discuss the possibility of anything other then monogamy, and then years later state, "Hey! I never assumed Monogamy neither should you!" It's assumed, you knew it was assumed. Saying after the fact that it shouldn't be is much like a child saying, 'Hey you never said that I COULDN"T do it! So I did!' When you know what the assumptions are, it is your responsibility to say otherwise. Not leave it as a loop hole for years down the line.
If this doesn't include you and your relationship, bully for you. It's still a valid point for many, many, many other relationships.
To be clear, when we married, my wife and I both assumed monogamy, simply by default. We maintained and lived by that assumption - at some personal cost for each of us - for nearly 18 years.
Then she asked, in effect: Could we reconsider this?
After some worrying and some research, I thought: Why not?
And on we went with the re-negotiation.
What you describe is much more like a semantic trick/power play - "I
never assumed monogamy!" -which is simply lousy strategy for effectively or fairly re-negotiating an agreement.
The starting point is much the same, however.