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Old 06-04-2012, 06:19 PM
hyperskeptic hyperskeptic is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 451

Originally Posted by Vixtoria View Post
The 'assumption' of a marriage being monogamous is valid. Unless stated otherwise. You and your wife stated otherwise, at least to each other. So that works for you.

I don't believe it works to get married, never discuss the possibility of anything other then monogamy, and then years later state, "Hey! I never assumed Monogamy neither should you!" It's assumed, you knew it was assumed. Saying after the fact that it shouldn't be is much like a child saying, 'Hey you never said that I COULDN"T do it! So I did!' When you know what the assumptions are, it is your responsibility to say otherwise. Not leave it as a loop hole for years down the line.

If this doesn't include you and your relationship, bully for you. It's still a valid point for many, many, many other relationships.
To be clear, when we married, my wife and I both assumed monogamy, simply by default. We maintained and lived by that assumption - at some personal cost for each of us - for nearly 18 years.

Then she asked, in effect: Could we reconsider this?

After some worrying and some research, I thought: Why not?

And on we went with the re-negotiation.

What you describe is much more like a semantic trick/power play - "I never assumed monogamy!" -which is simply lousy strategy for effectively or fairly re-negotiating an agreement.

The starting point is much the same, however.
the cake is a lie
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