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Old 06-04-2012, 06:10 PM
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Vixtoria Vixtoria is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 306

Originally Posted by hyperskeptic View Post
"Marriage is assumed" . . . by whom? The passive voice blurs the issue here.
My society. Sorry if I wasn't clear enough. Also, all those couples that did NOT define their marriage for themselves. Let's be honest, the majority of people that get married do not define it before hand. They propose, they accept, they plan a wedding, and they get married. The marriage itself isn't defined or discussed because it is assumed.


As far as I'm concerned, marriage is an agreement between two people to become life partners. Whatever understanding the two have going in, the terms of that partnership will have to be clarified, amended, and modified all along the way, in response to increased understanding and changing circumstances, if the partnership is to last.

All contracts can be renegotiated with the mutual consent of the contracting parties.
That is great, FOR YOU. That is your assumption, it is neither the popular one or the majority. That was to what I was referring. Not my personal beliefs. I saw Whoopi Goldberg discussing relationships once and I whole heartedly agreed with her idea that marriage has a shelf life. Like a contract, you sign up for a few years, then can renegotiated at the end of that term to either stay married or move on. Things in life change, people change, so why wouldn't a marriage? Great that you understood that before saying your vows. A vast majority do not. Marriage, relationships, it's not taught. There are plenty of classes and reality shows that will show you how to get married, not how to have a real or healthy relationship.

The failure of public institutions or popular imagination to compass the possibility of an open marriage, or a marriage in which one or both partners is polyamorous, or even (gasp!) a marriage of more than two people, doesn't have a whole lot of bearing on the way in which my wife and I set, or re-set, or re-re-set the terms of our life together.

Again, great, it has no bearing on your relationship. Obviously it doesnt' have a lot of bearing on most relationships around here. Otherwise, we wouldn't be here. However, my point stands. The 'assumption' of a marriage being monogamous is valid. Unless stated otherwise. You and your wife stated otherwise, at least to each other. So that works for you.

I don't believe it works to get married, never discuss the possibility of anything other then monogamy, and then years later state, "Hey! I never assumed Monogamy neither should you!" It's assumed, you knew it was assumed. Saying after the fact that it shouldn't be is much like a child saying, 'Hey you never said that I COULDN"T do it! So I did!' When you know what the assumptions are, it is your responsibility to say otherwise. Not leave it as a loop hole for years down the line.

If this doesn't include you and your relationship, bully for you. It's still a valid point for many, many, many other relationships.
Me: 40 pansexual poly.
DH: My husband of 21 yrs and father of 3 teen girls.
DC: LDR of +9 years/former
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