Originally Posted by mostlyclueless
It seems wildly dishonest to me to enter into a monogamous relationship, sign a contract saying you'll do that forever, co-mingle your lives in a way that makes it very difficult to extricate yourself, and then tell your spouse you want to change the rules.
On this specific point... I'm thinking of someone who would want to change careers. Who has a revelation about what they want to do from now on. It would require adjustments from their partner, and it's not what they originally agreed on when they got married, and it could upset them if it requires a very different schedule, or a move, or causes a big change in income.
Yet most people, it seems to be, would agree that you need to support your spouse who has found their calling, possibly even be the only breadwinner while they get a new degree, etc. It doesn't seem that rare, I've heard many people mention that situation.
Never when I got married did any of the paperwork mention monogamy, except to say we couldn't marry another person while still being married. (What it did say, though, was that regular sex between the married couple was a duty. Thankfully few people demand that when their partner is not in the mood, or is sick, etc).
So to me the expectation was never something we signed on, just something he expected of me, just like we expected to keep the same careers and keep living in the same place.