Originally Posted by mostlyclueless
I wanted to bring this up as something I have seen that is starting to bother me, and I'm hoping to hear some other perspectives will help me be less judgy.
I find myself getting irritated at the posts about opening up a marriage. It seems wildly dishonest to me to enter into a monogamous relationship, sign a contract saying you'll do that forever, co-mingle your lives in a way that makes it very difficult to extricate yourself, and then tell your spouse you want to change the rules.
Are these people really blindsided by their desire not to be monogamous? It never occurred to them before they got married? It seems more likely to me they always had a hunch, and didn't bring it up until all the contract signing was done so their spouse was more likely to try to put up with it.
Ok, that's all my judging. Tell me I'm wrong! Tell me your stories!
Ok I can only speak for myself... and I am new here.
When I got involved with my husband I had every intention on being mono. I have never stepped out side of a committed relationship before last year. Before my husband who I have been married to for 11 years I had the habit of flitting from one relationship to another when I found that one man could not fulfill my emotional and sexual needs. Just kind of figured I hadn't met the right man. Not that I need two very different kinds of men to cover all my needs.
Unfortunately we have learned hubby can not function sexually or even emotionally to a lesser degree without his bdsm, humiliation needs met. Well I am not wired that way. I can play with him when I am very happy. I have a high sex drive and emotional needs of my own. For 5 years I suffered and he suffered. We love each other and my husband is my best friend. He
is the one who after thinking long and hard about my past and our current situation that I needed someone else in my life to fill the hole he can not. I tried to set my husband free in the very beginning of our relationship because I had a gut feeling that we would have issues. He wanted me. We love each other and want each other to be happy.
I am fiercely loyal to my husband. He discuss his feelings and thoughts on our relationship and my relationship with love all the time. For example how much does he want to know... any concerns.
I just spent my first weekend away from my husband and with my love. It is hard for him knowing that I spent the weekend having a separate relationship with another man that is just as emotional and physical. Yes it is. But I answer his questions honestly and make sure he gets equal time. And I make a real effort to make sure to try and pay special attention to hubby's needs. Actually hubby gets more of my time and love gets less of my time. Mainly due to love's work schedule. But that is another story.