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Old 06-04-2012, 12:28 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,725
Default Trying to find my way...

Hi everyone.

I am new to the site and kind of to poly. I am 38 married for 11 years together for 12. He is my longest relationship. Before my husband I had the habit of going from one relationship to another when someone wasn't everything I needed because I was programed that "cheating" is wrong.

Well the last 5 years our sex life had gotten strained. My husband is very much into BDSM and I am not. I can play with him when I am very happy in life. And I am ok with his fetishes. Well hubby can not fulfill all my needs emotionally or physically. I have a high sex drive and he functions off of kink and can not keep up. So he was the one who suggested I may need more than one man in my life. Hubby is mono and has no urge to seek someone outside our relationship. He just wants me happy.

Well the last year has been kind of a learning experience. It is not as easy to find a partner open to a poly relationship. I refuse to be the other woman a man is cheating on his wife with. I am also not into multiple partners just need one to fill the hole hubby can not.

I am now dating a lovely guy who is very unsure of how this is going to work since he is mono. He is amazed that my husband is ok with his and my relationship. He can not wrap his head around the fact that my husband gets off on me treating him sort of like a cuckold. He is worried about the future since he is falling for me. He has questions of what if he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I said that is possible BUT it would have to be nontraditional.

My biggest hurdle is the kids. I have 3 boys.. My younger two will just roll with it they are 9 and 5. The oldest who is 18 is the only one I worry about. He is fiercely loyal to my husband who adopted him at 8.

My second biggest hurdle is being in the poly closet. I can not share my joy with love with anyone because of my coworkers, friends and family are strictly mono with strong beliefs on what they see as cheating.

Well that is a basic over view of me.. I look forward to getting to know you all and having some people to talk to.
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