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Old 06-04-2012, 12:27 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 1,443

Originally Posted by Icewraithonyx View Post
I've often thought the "married and now poly" bomb was like going into work and having your boss suddenly announce that your job has been transferred to another country. "You can either move or lose your job. Decide now." rather than having any say-so in the matter.
I believe it is good to know yourself. Therefore it is good to know you can't take mono for an answer. Therefore, not giving your partner a say in the matter would mean just leaving. If instead of leaving them, you tell them that you will stay if the relationship opens, I figure you give them a say.
Then I would expect the partner to express the same self-awareness and maturity, and therefore not just say "okay, but only so you won't leave" and be miserable. Ultimately, if you are miserable in the relationship, you are making the whole relationship miserable for everyone involved, for no good reason.
If you won't take poly for an answer, then breaking up for lack of compatibility is the right solution.

Your partners gives you the options that are acceptable to them. You get to remove the ones that are not acceptable to you, and see what's left. It's not different than a partner saying "you'll be exclusive to me forever or this relationship is over". Then the relationship is over. What can I say, the other option wasn't acceptable.

Yes, it should all happen through respectful discussion, but knowing what you want does not make you a dictator, it makes you a self-aware person, and I think much less problems would arise if everyone was that way. Don't lie to yourself, if you can't do it, you can't do it, no need to drag it on.
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