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Old 06-04-2012, 09:09 AM
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fuchka fuchka is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Terra Nullius
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After an uncharacteristically early dinner with Sugar yesterday, we went for a walk through the park to a nearby suburb. Seems like it's been ages since we rolled about the streets at night, checking out new places in our neighbourhood. Ended up at a cosy pub, I had the local bitter (a truly awful beer) and he had something fancy in a bottle from a microbrewery. Cuddled on a couch and talked for a couple of hours. I had a snooze on the tram on the way home, then we shared an overpriced convenience store donut.

I love him so much. He is good to me and good for me. We chatted a bit about dynamics between friends and lovers - there's quite a lot going on on that front at the moment. Thinking about how to best explain the various threads on my blog, I decided to make a chart

There are more stories I've left out, involving even more other people, but I'll start with these for now *grin*

The one that's top of the charts is my smouldering crush on Patch. He's an ex-lover of a dear friend of mine Ayla (who, as a separate thing, has told me she's attracted to me... mm, we've hooked up a few times, just kissing and such, but the last time was a bit of a disaster as unbeknownst to me, she had broken the rules of her relationship with her (now) ex so us making out was cheating. She has an on-again off-again thing with him still so I've been keeping my body and heart away from that. I love her dearly but really don't like being part of any dramadramas. However... she's coming over for a visit later this month and staying here so... ah... yeah.)

Anyway, back to Patch

I knew him through Ayla when they were dating for years way back when. Their breakup was hard (actually iirc it involved opening up their relationship, Ayla getting together with someone else, and Patch not coping well with that.) Anyway, really messy at the end. She still refers to him as the love of her life.

So... I was chatting casually with Carob a couple of months ago about Patch cos he's now living in the same city as I am. We've had the chance to catch up a few times one-on-one which we'd not really done before. He's a deep soul, I really like the person he is. We've had conversations like, yeah. I'm quite attracted.

Anyway, I mentioned this to Carob casualy, and he said - hey, that would weird me out. I was surprised by this, as I actually knew Patch before I met C, although P and C have been friends for years and years before that (separately). It wasn't like I had a gut guess that C wouldn't be comfortable. I hadn't really considered this dynamic at all.

My reaction was - really? How come? And he felt like I was making light of his reaction. As if he needed an explanation for me to take his emotion seriously.

But I didn't feel like instantly giving him the response he probably wanted, which was "oh okay, in that case I won't go there."

We don't have many boundaries (in fact, none really comes to mind apart from safer sex) so we haven't had much experience negotiating them.

C's reaction to me talking about hooking up with Patch made me consider what Ayla would think about that. It's been a few years since they were together, and she's been with other people since then, but still.

So recently I chatted with her about this too, and she said "sorry, yeah, that would be weird for me." She didn't ask me to promise anything, and I didn't... but it was good to know her feelings. Take them into account. We both like the idea of seizing opportunities and going with the flow of things but, yeah. This is tender skin still.

I mentioned to Carob: you don't have to worry anymore. I'm going to avoid things with Patch cos Ayla would find that awkward right now. And C says - well, now. She gets to have a veto and I don't? (This was his kick-in-the-guts reaction to it. C is really expressive with his emotions, and when he feels hurt he just spits out sentences like they're his teeth that you've just punched out)

So we talk some more, and I admit that I didn't give enough respect to his feeling about it. I was curious as to where it was coming from, and it's a boundary that I would like to be open to shifting... but still we needed to start at a place of respect.

I've said I won't kindle things with Patch until and unless Carob's okay with that. And Carob's agreed to unpick this with me at some point. There's no hurry... Gonna keep things solidly platonic at least until Ayla visits.

Patch hurt his shoulder badly recently and I gave him a lengthy back massage. He takes massage really well, it was fun. Apparently he gives a good massage too. I usually don't get massages so, mm. What I was really thinking though is whether we could tempt Ayla with a double massage *grin*

So that's that part of the crazy star chart of friends & lovers! Just heard from S that he's on the way home so I'll have to figure how quickly I can cook dinner. Whoops, making that diagram took longer than I thought.
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