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Old 06-04-2012, 02:02 AM
AnotherConfused AnotherConfused is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 264

Things are improved here, again. The weekend was a little rough. I was happily enjoying my time with C, dancing away the second evening and looking forward to his plans for me back at the hotel, involving the clawfoot tub, a foot massage, and a bottle of very good wine, and suddenly my husband and daughter appeared, and day earlier than I expected. Ouch. Poor C headed back to the hotel early and alone, once he caught sight of me sitting with my daughter in my lap. I made a quick visit to his room and there were some tears, and later I tried to explain to my husband. It wasn't that I wasn't happy to spend time with him, just that I was cancelling my other plans on no notice. We agreed I would spend the next morning with C and catch up with my husband mid-day, and that seemed to be the best compromise.

One thing I found amusing in all this was that I checked into the hotel Friday night with C and my older daughter, who then went off to spend most of her time with a local friend. I checked out of the hotel Monday with my husband and my other daughter. Must have been perplexing for the hotel staff!

I've had lots more conversations with my husband and I think I am starting to understand his needs and where I've fallen short. We have looked ahead for fall and planned one family dance weekend in November, and one dance weekend for C and me in October. My husband's stipulation is that I clean the attic to "earn" this time with C, which starts to rub me wrong because it makes me feel like a prisoner earning parole, but I know what it really comes down to is my husband wanting me to show him my love through acts of service, as a reassurance that I am still putting him first. I can do that.

Meanwhile L got all upset when I told him I was going to a dance weekend with C this fall. He feels like he has been loving me so carefully these past 20 years, always respectful of his (ex-)spouse and then mine, and all of a sudden I have a boyfriend who just appeared on the scene last year. I can understand him feeling that way, but at the same time, I don't think he'd want to be a boyfriend to me. He wouldn't be getting what he needs in a girlfriend, and he would be giving up his place as friend to my whole family in exchange for what? Not even sex. He agrees, but he's still jealous. Silly really, because we have our week each year, where we first met and always meet, coming up next month. We always dance until the wee hours and then talk until the sun comes up, night after night. It's one of my favorite weeks of the year.

I'm coming around to agreeing to that sentiment I see so often expressed here, that scheduling is the most difficult part of polyamory. Just having enough time and attention to go around so no one feels shortchanged. Someone was flirting with me at a dance last night and I thought, "You're mighty cute all right, but I just don't have any time left for you!"
Married to a monogamous man 15 yrs, mother of 2, dating C 3 yrs, and in a romantic friendship with L more than 20 yrs
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