Originally Posted by mostlyclueless
It seems wildly dishonest to me to enter into a monogamous relationship, sign a contract saying you'll do that forever, co-mingle your lives in a way that makes it very difficult to extricate yourself, and then tell your spouse you want to change the rules.
Are these people really blindsided by their desire not to be monogamous? It never occurred to them before they got married? It seems more likely to me they always had a hunch, and didn't bring it up until all the contract signing was done so their spouse was more likely to try to put up with it.
I think it would be just as useful to ask why there are people who seem to think it's perfectly OK to try to lock somebody into an unchanging state--"we're married and for the rest of your life you can't change!" Seriously, does anybody sign on for a marriage expecting that they aren't going to be able to change and grow for the rest of their lives? Do they sign on with the expectation that their spouse will not change and grow ever?
Your questioning supposes only one "negative" side to the phenomenon. Being part of human experience, there's almost always going to be an other "negative" side to the same thing. Each is as valid as the other.
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.
While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.