Originally Posted by mostlyclueless
Let me clarify -- I'm talking about the threads where people come here and say, "my spouse is adamantly opposed to open/poly relationships, how can I convince him/her to let me have one?"
I`ll agree that the convincing thing is annoying. That being said, it`s not like it`s a level playing-field out there. I`ve been trying the poly-from-the-bat home run for about 6 years now, with no success.
Prior to that, I lived with someone. I remember sleepwalking through that relationship in college and suddenly waking up to a shared lease, jointly bought appliances, two cats, and monogamy. It`s just what I felt I had to do in order to have relationships and regular sex. But, suddenly, having sex with her sounded as attractive as chewing styrofoam (not because she lacked beauty; far from it).
That`s when I panicked.
I drank at dive bars waiting for her to fall asleep before walking in the door. I moved to the living room. In my defense, I didn`t get married. Not that it would have mattered. Nor did I try to sway her into open up. It was basically a go-alone thing right then. I`m
going to be with other women. Either we open up, or we break up. Anything else would surely have lead to cheating.
The very first thing I did after that conversation was go to a brothel. Rainy day on the West Side of Manhattan. I picked the hooker whose physical perks I fantasized about, but were missing in my wife. It was like a ton of bricks lifted off my shoulders. My lungs opened up again. Indeed, we were open for about 3 months until she could no longer stand the fact I had another girlfriend.
I was engaged when I was very young, at 19. I look back upon that experience as essentially a way to defy and/or substitute my parents. The social symbolism of marriage giving me the false sense of security I needed when leaving my father`s home, without even being fully financially independent. Even then, monogamy issues cropped up since, I had gotten engaged to the woman I lost my virginity to. The thought of being with only one woman in my whole life haunted me.
Needless to say, we didn`t go through with it.
I guess it`s all turned out for the best.