I joined this site around a month ago (see my thread from around a month ago ' GF of 4 years makes an announcement').
Your experiences / emotions are so similar to the ones I'm going through right now. Our situation began when J went behind my back around 2 months ago - she kind of fell for a guy at work and has since realised that she is poly, as she loves me and has no intention of removing me from her life, but likes spending time with this other guy, occasionally.
I've had the same feeling of my entire life being on hold while I completely obsess, jump to conclusions, often wrong ones, torturing myself really.
She moved out 3 weeks ago, to get some space (which I interpreted as get some 'him'). As it stands, we are separated, but she has made it clear that she sees her future with me. It is really only my obsessive thinking, suspicion and jealousy that are keeping us apart, and she has told me this (aside from the breathing space she needs anyway, to process her own ideas about herself, what she wants from life etc). Those 3 weeks for me have been a living hell - I have been obsessing night and day. If I analyse why, I think maybe because I've lost control, of her, us, that I'm feeling abandoned, and of course the green eyed monster is playing his role in my obsession.
There are so many parallels with my own story that I felt compelled to add a post - you are not alone padre, and I actually think you are a bit further down the road to recovery/acceptance than I am, but I have started working on it, which is the first step. Accepting and loving her the way she is and dealing with the new reality, and dealing with my emotions, feelings of rejection, fear or losing her, jealousy etc, is the only way forward.
This week I told her that not only do I accept her the way she is, but I'm willing to accommodate this guy in her life - to start with I've suggested one 'date' day per month. I think we are making progress and she knows that this is a massive act of love from me. I've also stopped the constant contact with her that I know was suffocating her.
You mentioned TEA - is that an American term? I'm in the UK and have googled, but the results, (typically for the UK) come up with the tea we drink copious amounts of here. I know I need help to deal with my situation, and want to start therapy to deal with the pain I've suffered recently, as well as the new reality I face going forward. So I'm interested to find out the ways you help yourself on this.