The talk, part two, never happened. Every thing under the sun has happened to interfere with possible plans -- babysitters cancelling, illness, work schedule changes, etc. We finally had the talk, part 1.5, today via text message (which I HATE for anything important), and what I'm getting is that between our varied expectations of what a secondary relationship comprises of, combined with the fact his anxiety disorder is currently untreated, I am unsure what can actually be accomplished.
His primary interest in me at this point is that we can get our kids together to play. He has very little interest in doing much outside of hanging at his house with his family. I know this is due to the chemical imbalances/anxiety disorder/etc, but it is still very hard for me to process.
The best I expect can happen at this point is me massively readjusting what I expect, and being okay with most of our time together being very platonic, and very much me hanging with him and his family, or us getting our entire families together. I'm not sure I can do this. I don't expect him to give me tons and tons of time - nor could I give it - but I do expect and want some level of romantic interaction. Hand holding, snuggling, a kiss hello and goodbye, simple things, little things. Occasional nights out that don't include our families. Things like that, which I am uncertain if he will be willing to give at this point. He gave them before, but at that point, he was fully medicated/in therapy, and emotionally a very different person.
My needs the best boiled down I came up with are:
feel like I'm being treated considerately
see outwardly (verbal/physical) that he is excited to make plans with me - while we are making them - and when I arrive
have occasional kid free time
be able to engage in BDSM play (the reason I became poly, after all, was ultimately to express my Domme side) at least once a month ideally
we'll see what tomorrow holds.
"This, too, is sacred."
I am my own primary.