Originally Posted by mostlyclueless
Let me clarify -- I'm talking about the threads where people come here and say, "my spouse is adamantly opposed to open/poly relationships, how can I convince him/her to let me have one?"
Well, the stuff about contracts and change and all that still applies. That said, there is a definite problem there. The problem isn't necessarily one of dishonesty towards the partner, though.
There is a multitude of ways this can come about. It might be that people truly got blindsided. It might be they deluded themselves. It might be they were dishonest. The one common thing here is that they are looking to change someone else. This, as I mentioned above, is a silly belief that ruins a lot of relationships. It's rampant across all types of relationships. How many times have you come across someone who suffers for years and bitches about some characteristic or other of their partner that they thought they would be able to influence? Anything from not picking up laundry to excessive drinking, to this particular issue. This, however, is a worst case scenario.
The other case is that, to be blunt, their desires are getting the best of them and making them drop an infobomb on their partner rather than having a discussion. It's damned hard to be patient.
On the third hand, it's entirely possible that some of these folks are just selfish and looking for validation. Can't say for sure, not being a mind reader.