Thank you for your thoughtful responses! You all have given me so much to consider
Our sexual disconnect occurred before poly, although sleeping with other men did nothing for my libido with my husband. We used to have a slamming sex life, before kiddos (who are 3 and 5). Since my second was born, things started to go down. About two years after I was experiencing lots of pain and bleeding anytime we engaged in sex. I thought there was something physically wrong with me, so I went and got checked out, ultrasounds and everything. Come to realize, its because I am not turned on with him anymore. I have made an appointment to talk with a poly friendly therapist who specializes in sex therapy, which I think is going to be very helpful with this.
I guess part of the "hes better off without me" excuse is escape. I do tend to escape, or quit, when things seem insurmountable. I do try to keep things like that in mind. I wouldn't make a huge choice like divorce without months and maybe years of thought and work with my husband. He still loves me and wants to fix things, I would never quit on him as long as he is willing to work on it. He is my best friend, and I do love him, I am just not sure that it is in the same manner as I started with. Our love in the beginning was amazing, we got engaged right off and married the next year. Now I realize that we should have waited to have children, enjoyed each other more. Children added stress, but mostly they inhibit any excitement in life. We don't have much money, so we can't afford babysitters, or to do much outside of the house. I think if we could spend time alone doing things, exploring life, together, it would be very healthy for our relationship.
Part of me wants the easy out, but really, it wouldn't be that easy, things would get much harder. The biggest thing that keeps me from doing that is my children. I would hate to ruin things for them.
I guess I just wanted to hear about other people's marriages, to see if it was normal to feel this disconnect at this point, or if there is something wrong with our relationship. From what I gather, disconnect happens to everyone, but it doesn't have to and you have to work to keep it at bay.