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Old 06-02-2012, 09:18 AM
transcendental transcendental is offline
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Europe
Posts: 19

Originally Posted by km34 View Post
He isn't ready for anyone to touch you in any way or in just a sexual way? I would find it rather difficult to have a close emotional bond with someone who I wasn't allowed to touch AT ALL.
Oh no, he is fine with me hugging and snuggling with people. I'm very touchy feely and he has always been fine with that (to the point that other people have often questioned him about it, even before we started opening up - i'm actually less touchy feely now than I used to be, probably because we are opening up). It is the sexual touch he objects to. Basically, nudity.

Originally Posted by km34 View Post
To me, it sounds like he is afraid that anything physical (not online) will have a direct impact on your relationship. What would make him fear this? Is there anything you could do to help him realize what it is that makes him uncomfortable with it? I also find it odd that he is okay with you having dates but not okay with anything else happening.
He knows it won't affect how we are together. He said as much! His main things were:

(1) Saying goodbye to me and talking to me on the phone/skype or texting knowing that I will be with, am with, or have been with someone else.
(2) Nudity and sexual physicality is our thing and letting anyone else into that is breaking our bubble. (Apparently emotions don't though)

TBH I think he is fine with the close emotional bonds and dates because he has very close very intense friendships with people. He undestands that. He doesn't understand sex at all, if you check my only other thread you get an idea of how extreme that is! (Re. his best-friend: we had a 20 anniversary party for him and his best-friend, the guy was the best man at our wedding and he came on honeymoon with us, when the three of us are together everyone thinks they are the couple. They are both het but they are effectively soul-mates.)

I don't know how long I can be patient for. I tried to be mono for almost a decade and it made me utterly miserable. My husband knows this and has been amazing about the whole thing. He has told me, even last night, that he is happier than he used to be because I am clearly more relaxed and happy. I am very lucky to have him and I tell him that over and over again. We do the whole active listening and repeating what each other has said in different ways so we are both sure we know what we are doing. Honestly, even our therapist says we are a textbook example of how to communicate. But my patience is wearing out!
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