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Old 06-02-2012, 05:04 AM
Jade Jade is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: in a house
Posts: 189
Default How strange to find us here

It's almost funny, but kind of not. My husband and I have been through so many changes in the last several years. Who knows what's happening with our pseudo quad. I don't anymore. I just hold on and wait and see. Nothing happens till the OSO comes home from overseas, it seems.

But in the meantime, hubby has a golden opportunity to have a girlfriend... a local girlfriend, whom he really enjoys sexually and has a good friendship with and feels like he's good for (he's a fixer). She just broke up with her long-term partner and seemed into the idea of having a part of hubby's life. Clearly he'd been thinking about the possibility for sometime. We'd seen her relationship go through stress and strain. I knew it would come to this, and my concerns boiled down to things like impact on the household/time demands/unpredictability of her demands... she's got some issues. I really like her, but she's a "wild card" for lack of better words. But I am open to the idea. I can see benefits for both of us (hubby and me), as well as for her. I am not averse to them having their own relationship, so long as I am still the wife, and the household is still the priority. I know that raises some poly hackles, but practically speaking, it's got to work that way. We've got young ones and an established household. Not saying it could never change, but this is where we are here and now.

So they discussed ideas a bit today, and when I came home from work, hubby told me he was backing off the idea. I was confused, and then I understood... she had told him (and bless her heart, she may have been following his advice to her from months ago to not "settle for less"), but she had told him that what she wanted was to be able to meet at least a few times a week for 4 hours or so. He told her that was unrealistic. She told him, well, if you change your mind let me know. And he told her, well, if you change your mind, let me know.

And I feel bad for him... and I don't get it... "Really, chica? You're gonna make that heavy a demand, when you don't even know what once or twice a week would look like or how it would impact everyone? Can't you grow into this? It's not shopping, and it's not ready made. It's something that develops." I know she wants to talk, the three of us, and I'm open to it, but hubby is so shocked by the up front time demand, he really doesn't know what to do. Again, I feel bad for him.

She's a kind, loving person. But I don't think she's seeing anyone in this.

I'm really just venting, but if you have any insight or thoughts, please feel free to share.
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