Originally Posted by CielDuMatin
If your wife has no interest in working on this between you, then that gives you better information about whether or not you want this relationship between you and her to continue.
Or continue in the way it has. Maybe you are holding onto a dynamic that would have been over regardless of whether you lusted after someone else seven years ago. Or maybe she isn't as attached to you as she used to be. That isn't necessarily a bad thing.
It is still possible to have a really great relationship even if you never get back what you had between you. It will just not be what it was anymore, or what you thought it was. No one stays the same anyway, and relationships and marriages naturally evolve as people mature and grow and become more themselves -- whether or not they are poly or mono. But, in addition to this fact, now she does have someone else. The thing that so many couples seem to forget when they embark upon a poly arrangement is that the dynamic of their relationship will inevitably change when one or both of them has another partner. Perhaps the distance you feel is not that she has closed herself off to you but that she is just different, and your relationship to her is different because now she has an additional relationship in her life.
It is important to let go of the past in order to move forward.