Some great advice here. Has she let you know that she is willing to work on these barriers between you, caused by the lack of trust? It's quite possible that you both want to, but are unsure how. A professional counsellor is trained to be able to provide you the tools that you need. They can do this far better than an internet forum can, because they can have a much longer time to hear both sides of the story in a non-judgmental way.
If your wife has no interest in working on this between you, then that gives you better information about whether or not you want this relationship between you and her to continue.
Please check out The Birdcage - an open, friendly Polyamory forum for all parts of New York State
"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb