Getting through the pain
It's been a few months since I last posted... But I really need your listening ears and words of wisdom!
Just to bring you all up to speed...
I am married and 7 years ago fell in love with another woman, while also still being in love with my wife. My wife tried to be OK but was not. The relationship with the other woman had to end.
Over the last 7 years my wife and I have talked and talked and talked. I realised in the meantime that I was actually poly. My wife wanted to be OK with it all but thought the only way she would be OK was if she herself was in a relationship.
6 months ago she met a guy and has fallen head over heels for him. I have not met anyone else.
Ever since I met the other woman 7 years ago, my wife has placed a protective wall around herself from me to protect against pain. This protective wall is not there with her new man. As a consequence, she has really given herself fully to him and is still holding back from me. Our kids are starting to notice this too.
Both the fact that my wife was not able to accept the other woman 7 years ago, and now that I can see her giving herself to her new man but withholding from me has caused and is causing me great pain. This pain is unattractive to my wife and pushes her further away from me and towards her new man.
I have asked her to open herself to me because in times when she starts to I know how much this helps my own pain about the whole situation. She says that it is very difficult to do so when my pain pushes her away from me.
I know that in many ways my pain is justifiable. I think most people facing what I have had to face would also be in pain. But if I am to stay with my wife and keep our family together I need to find a way to free myself from the pain even though I am confronted with it everyday because I see how she is giving to her new man and holding back from me (by her own admission too). I love her deeply...
Any words of wisdom??? Please????