Back from dinner with my girlfriend. It was an interesting meal to be sure. E and I were in a quad with her and her partner last summer and we all shared a really fun friendship for awhile. The sex was mediocre though, and the more that I got to know her husband the less I liked him as a person. Her and I have stayed friends, but I have to admit that I have been puzzled how such a together, intelligent and amazing woman can be with such an immature and insecure man. Well, turns out that she's puzzled as well - things are looking bleak for their future, and I have a feeling that she is going to leave him. I care a lot about her, and her happiness and tucked away my bs for the night to be there for her. My heart goes out to her - there is nothing like knowing that a relationship is no longer right for you, but not knowing how to make the decision to leave.
We talked for a long time, and left after giving each other some enormous hugs. I offered for her to come and stay here for awhile if she needs to find her footing, and she said that she might just take me up on that. I just want to see her happy, and out of this horrible place of indecision; I will support her choice no matter what.
The core of her challenges with him comes from his need to continue to be open. She feels like they have had some adventures, and that she doesn't need to continue forward with an open relationship - he does. While he's willing to shelve it for awhile to work on their relationship, he'll ultimately want to return to being open. That coupled with her dissatisfaction around a lot of other stuff seems to be driving her further and further away from him.
I wonder how it will all play out - it seemed like she has already largely made up her mind to leave. They've been together for eleven years - there is nothing that is going to make this an easy choice for her, as there is a lot of history, and a lot of love amongst the discontent. I know that when we were in the quad with her, I was always under the impression that she was only doing it for his sake. She confirmed that this evening, and while she had a lot of fun with us, she said that she could have taken or left the sex, and really just loved the friendship.
Elemental is officially with Sync now - he txted to let me know that he arrived safely. I shared my boundaries with him, and I believe that he will respect them - they're so different from my initial boundaries heading into this that it's almost laughable. They are: When he txts me to not be cuddled up with her while doing so - to make time to communicate with me. No using Sync as a sounding board for our relationship. Focus on the present and don't make decisions about the future. No coming home with scratches/bite marks. No calling me - I don't want the opportunity to slip into upset with him in a weak moment.
I have lots of stuff coming up for me now that I'm home - in an uncomfortable place, and not feeling all that great, but I knew that this was going to come. Didn't help that E. left his facebook logged in with a message of kinky shit that he wanted Sync to buy for when he got there staring me in the face. ARGH I wish that wasn't there when I logged on! I hate that shit! Oh well, what... did I think they were just going to cuddle this weekend? Um... no.
Elemental knew this difficult time was going to come for me, and went anyways. Sync knew that I was struggling, but wanted Elemental to come anyways. They want what they want, and I am not going to be the person who says no to two grown adults who want something together. And so I facilitated it, and will do my work and own my own feelings, and develop my own relationships. Is it really what I want? I don't know, in truth - but I do know that I'm not a coward, and that I can survive this. I am hopeful that our relationship won't take a hit it can't recover from during this weekend, and that I don't end up distancing myself from E. because it's so difficult for me.
Time to go and watch a movie and snuggle up under a cozy blanket. Three nights - I can do three nights. I knew I wanted to just get through this and see what was on the other side - and so I am committing to that choice with courage and wholeness. Wish me luck!