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Old 06-01-2012, 03:56 AM
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newtoday newtoday is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 181

There's a lot of great thoughts and points of view noted on the other replies however I want to offer a different perspective.

Just random thoughts from experience and from what I've read on here. I don't expect you to answer my questions, just food for personal thought and reflection.

So you are in love with your husband and have no desire for him yet he desires you, you desire another. Does that hurt your husband or does he feel rejected by you?

You are enjoying another man now. And if your husband does the same and falls in love with that other woman, would you be okay with that? Would you still feel so secure in your roommate style of marriage? You can control what you do and feel but you have no control over his circumstance. Are you comfortable with that?

How about if the relationship between you and your other guy ended and yet your husband was still deeply engaged in his? Would you feel envy, jealousy, resentment? I guess those are things you wouldn't know until they happened.

The reason I state these things is that I have read so often about people who embrace poly when it is them that are enjoying the benefits of it. When something ends with the object of their affection yet a partner continues, especially with NRE, that embracing of poly becomes a little less tight. Envy, jealousy, inecurities, lonliness sets in.

So then you decide to "fix" your marriage. Regain what you had in the beginning, to secure the bond for the sake of the family. Problem is, it's much more complicated once another heart has entered the picture. And do you think he would question your motives in that? (You didn't want me but now you don't want anyone else to have me either, hence the sudden interest?). Or maybe he's just the average man who won't ask why, but when and where. (sorry guys, no offense intended, please!)

All of the responses on your thread are coming from combined experiences. Consider those. Perhaps deep down you do want to leave but won't for the sake of the children and sanctity of the family unit, maybe for financial reasons or lifestyle. Or maybe you can live with the uncertainty of sending your husband into the arms of another in order to have a full life.

I had the courage to leave a sexless marriage to find complete happiness. My bf had the commitment to stay in one for a long time to preserve the love they did have. Neither path was easy and has led us to each other. Everyone finds their own path. Just make sure that you examine the possible outcomes first and if you can live with them.

And don't wait....if you truely love your husband and you haven't lost total interest in sex, then try to get that back with him as well. Doesn't he deserve that part of you too?
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