View Single Post
Old 06-01-2012, 01:15 AM
Anneintherain's Avatar
Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 826

I believe it's best to start as you plan to continue...if you would like certain entire nights set aside for you and your family, and both of you stick to the same boundaries of disconnecting from other relationships to focus on your plans, it's smart to start that off from day 1 in any new relationship. I feel like I've seen a lot of people post lately about having a partner with a new interest where they are spending every day from sunup to sundown distracted by texting/etc their new partner. I know most people don't feel as extremely as I do, but if I was in that situation, I'd find it really invasive, almost like having an unwanted house guest who was constantly underfoot. I kind of liken it to when my husband is all into a new video game - he may be physically here, but he's not present or available to be my partner.

I'm not a big texter at all, neither is my husband, though he's constantly checking email. My boyfriend is big on texting (or so it seems from the amount of times his phone makes noise when I'm with him, but I really appreciate that he ignores his phone when we have a date (unless he gets a double text ring from the important people in his life, in which case it's his cue to check). I feel good that I know he will ignore my emails or texts too if he is with his wife or girlfriend, cause I interpret that to mean he's being the attentive partner they deserve during their time together.

My husband and I have Tuesdays and Fridays as our set "date days" so whether it's a date out or we are just on our computers in the same room, we have an agreement to not to start or respond to non work related communications from others from the time we get home until bedtime (barring emergencies of course).

If one of us really needs or wants to respond to something, we say "Hey do you mind if I...? That way if we feel we aren't getting enough quality time and attention we might say, no please, just us tonight, and the rest (which is most) of the time, it's likely to be no problem. It's a good chance for both of us to practice the skills of
1. remembering agreements we make
2. disconnecting from electronic media long enough to pay attention to our actual life and relationship.
3. being brave enough to speak up if if we aren't getting enough attention
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
Reply With Quote