Thank you for your reply and honesty. That is part of the conflict for me. I guess that if this new relationship was truly open then I would be willing to leave my husband because I feel suffocated. Not truly me but there are old tapes playing in my head about how everything "should" be. I guess my husband is my safety net. That isn't really fair to him. He also needs to be in the kind of relationship he wants, which he cannot get from me.
My new partner has a wife of 20+ years and ten years ago they decided to both pursue relationships outside of marriage. As time went on, his new relationship became the focus and he and his wife became basically roommates. After a couple of years he and his girlfriend brought another woman in to their relationship and as that developed he dropped his girlfriend (they are still friends) and has been exclusive with the new partner. He has discussed me with his girlfriend and his wife. They have been very positive since they know our history (we have known each other since high school). BUT, I'm not even sure that he is poly because he isn't open to me having another relationship besides him. But since I'm not familiar with it, I am here hoping to get feedback.
I do love him and want to have a solid relationship with him but it can't be exclusive.