It's a trial and error process. What works today may not work tomorrow.
I was so nervous to meet my metamour (my bf's live-in partner) in the beginning. When we met 6 months into our relationship I thought she was great! It was a relief to know that she and I were both on the same team. I was new to Poly so it was awkward at first having him show affection towards me in front of her but we got over that.
Her and I didn't have alot of interaction over the next year. But when we did, it was comfortable.
We were just coasting along, happy as can be. But then, some insecurities arose when he finally told her that we had actually fallen in love with each other. Nothing had changed from his and my end, we had been feeling that way for months already, it was just that she now knew the depth of our feelings and was taken by surprise. And since then, things have become a little more challenged.
Originally Posted by nycindie
It isn't necessary that metamours be friends, but most people seem to think that it helps if they at least meet and know each other, or have a respectful acknowledgement of each other. Yet, some people have vees that function quite well when both partners have never met in person and only know each other through emails or secondhand messages.
Nycindie is right - Metamours don't necessarily have to be friends but they should be respectful of the other's relationship with their shared loved one. There's more than one heart at stake now. It would be nice to be friends but maybe just casual acquaintances or occasional penpals works better. Whatever works best for the Vee.
My thought is to always be honest with each partner and determine what works for you all. That doesn't mean violating anyone's privacy but nobody should be surprised by changes in circumstances or feelings. Everyone loses when that happens. Everyone