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Old 05-31-2012, 01:28 PM
PolyCurious4 PolyCurious4 is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
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It is his way of coping. I know it is. I don't understand it. But it's who he is. I find it hurtful. Because of that my thought was there are other ways of coping that would not be hurtful to me.

This is a new new person. He litteraly just started talking to her this week. She's actually someone I think I would like (from what we know this early on) and would be very respectful (very important to me after his last interest that turned into a bunch of drama). She has no idea I'm having surgery or what was going on that day.

No. The appointment was not all day. Before my appointment he had already said gmorning to her so it wasn't that I was asking him to disappear did the day and not say a single word to her. I asked him if he could stop texting & any sexy stuff because I needed his support because I was freaking out. He didn't text during the appointment. But later in the day he did and I didn't really say much and didn't mind - so yea, I guess it was because I 'knew'.

I would not do the same. We're very different. When I get super stressed I have zero interest in sex. He on the other hand gets super sexed. Because this was a new new partner he had told me that he had not planned to jump into sex or sexting yet because he knew he tends to 'feel' like he likes the person after or 'feel' more like there's more in common but later realizes its not someone he would have chosen had he not been sexually involved. To my knowledge there was not sexual talk before yesterday & before yesterday he had not intended there to be anything sexual (beyond a kiss) on their first meeting. I think because he's stressed about me he's jumping the gun.

I wasn't concerned with him texting about whatever another day. I just needed a day to lean on him without feeling like his attentions were divided. I'm angry because I really feel like a single day shouldn't be too much to ask. If he had resumed business as usual today was fine. I just wanted one day to emotionally prepare for what was coming & face it head on. It's not like it's a minor surgery on my toe that I'm being over dramatic about. It's major surgery - though in this day & age it's rather routine - its brain surgery & I'm more than a little scared. I want to know there are select moments in our life I can ask to close ranks and honestly I want him to want to. Maybe that's asking him to be someone that he's not.

Because of this I told him I would feel hurt and betrayed if he texted while I was in surgery or the first day when I'm in ICU. Though I don't think I would be hurt the following days while I'm in the hospital but I told him I would because emotions were raw. I don't mind (and have told him) if he says G'morning, gives and update on how I am but I didn't think this girl that he had only by that time know 2 weeks & met once needed more. It isn't an established relationship & they should understand (I think she would). Part of me feels like a jerk for asking when I know this is a major coping mechanism and part of me is angry at him because it is.

The thing is he would be hugely hurt and angry if I had done the same thing! He wil never own it but it's true. He's very sensitive about such things because he had very hurtful things in his past (had a gf dump him because he had cancer). I goofed and broke a boundary about texting and it became a huge thing. We have an agreement in place zero texting during family events. It's in place because early on he would text like crazy during things with my parents (even an hour long dinner) and it became disruptive because he wasn't paying attention to anyone with his nose in his phone. It got to the point they started commenting. He realized he was being rude & we agreed no texting. The rule applied to both of us. We were spending an afternoon with my parents recently. I received a text before bf went to work. I notice the texts while in the restroom & we exchanged two texts. They weren't overtly sexual but did reference a conversation we had earlier that was (something along the lines of thinking delicious thoughts all day). Hubby was very hurt in part because it was the first I had ever broken a boundary & 2nd by sexy tone. His words at the time was that he was "hurt to the core". I know if I were exchanging naked photos and having explicitly sexual conversation on a day he'd asked me not to & especially when dealing with a medical issue he would be broken hearted. He disagrees.
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