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Old 05-31-2012, 12:50 PM
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jones jones is offline
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Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post
From what I can gather you were not bothered by the sexual components of your boyfriend's other relationships - but your boyfriend fell in love with this woman without keeping you informed of the changing nature of the relationship, in fact lying about it.

What is the nature of your "relationship" with this other couple (i.e. was it originally intended to be a swinging/sexual relationship only)? Did this relationship come into place before your boyfriend fell for this woman or as a result of it?

when we first started this, it was just sex, I started to see the guy and then the girl, we had joint meets and 1on1 meets, I told my bf that I loved them and I was scared about telling them, I told the girl two days after my bf told her (but I didn't know at the time) and told the guy a few days later but he doesn't love me, he cares about me a lot but we think he cant express his emotions. so the relationship started before he told her but it was decided by my bf and her that this was happening and we were in relationship, no really asked me what I thought about it.


Had you and he talked about polyamory and what might happen if someone fell in love with an outside sexual partner prior to this?

[COLOR="rgb(255, 0, 255)"]we talked about it but I don't want a ploy relationship as such, whenever we talk about days out, he invites them or holidays, he says he wants them to come, it feels like we have lost our small family unit... we have been together nearly ten years but he compares them in the same light as me and I wish I was more important
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On this forum there is a lot of focus on honesty and communication being essential to healthy loving relationships. Lying at the start is certainly a hurdle to overcome - however, if you two had never discussed the possibilities of love entering the equation you may have had different expectations of "when" it was appropriate to disclose that development. Is lying about relationships a pattern of his? Has the lying stopped?

[COLOR="rgb(255, 0, 255)"]he has lied a lot in our relationship and that was why I was so hurt, to my knowledge yes but I can't be sure...
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You will find many stories here and advice given to others who were struggling with their feelings about their significant other having feelings for someone else. If you could give us some insight as to what "in particular" is bothering you about his relationship with her people could offer specific advise.

JaneQ
[COLOR="rgb(255, 0, 255)"]thanks for replying x[/COLOR]

Last edited by jones; 05-31-2012 at 03:02 PM.
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