Originally Posted by Devotpohats
If my secondary doesn't want my primary knowing something, is that unacceptable? It that type of requirement a poly "taboo"? What about the reverse? I feel like I'd end up with split loyalties, with a first duty to my fiance (my primary), but I'd still be uncomfortable being in any intimate relationship where secrets are kept.
I'd love to hear any thoughts or experiences with this type of situation.
I never set out to be in a poly relationship. After my divorce, a long-time friend asked me out, and explained that he was in an open marriage.
At first, I was asking the same questions as you--what's acceptable and expected in the world of poly. But I came to the conclusion it's really an issue of what I find acceptable. In no other situation would I find it okay for BF to discuss details
of what we're doing with anyone. I don't find it acceptable for him to share details
with his wife. If he and she had felt that as a couple they were entitled to share every detail of their experiences, that's their right, but I personally wouldn't have continued to be part of it. I don't feel my personal life is anybody else's bedtime story or reality tv.
He and I discussed it and came to an answer satisfactory for both of us.