redpepper and baggagepatrol:
Thank you for your interest!
I have thought about talking to him, obviously. I'm just scared really. I should trust him more because he has been really supportive. Even when I gave myself bruises (whoops) in a fun session with my play-partner and had to explain them to the husband, he had real compersion! He didn't understand why I liked it, but he was genuinely happy I had fun. This gives me hope.
The reason I am so scared is because a few weeks ago I was in the same vicinity as my play-partner and there was a possibility we could have met up. As it was we couldn't in the end. But while the possibility was there I broached the fact that I would like to have a casual non-physical meet-up with my play-partner (we met in RL and transitioned to the internet, so it would not be a first meeting). My husband was very hesitant and said he would think about it. We never discussed it again because it never became directly relevant. His hesitation about a non-physical meet up is what worries me. I have dates now for when I will be in my play-partner's vicinity, so obviously I would like to take advantage of that. I am worried that he will see this date as a big looming weight over us. I am in my play-partner's vicinity once a month for work so meet-ups could be practical but regular. This is also something I am scared my husband will find difficult.
I have suggested we can go back to our amazing poly therapist about anything at any point, but I don't want to make it a "therapy" thing if it doesn't need to be.
What ifs are a nightmare! And I know, a silly way to live!
This weekend we are both free and planning to spend a nice time relaxing, i'll chat to him then.