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Old 05-29-2012, 11:44 PM
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Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post
I completely agree. I don't have a problem with honesty or even bluntness. What I have a problem with, and what I think is difficult to get across without specific examples (though I take Annabel's point of discussing this in general terms) is when bluntness crosses a line to insulting.
That's subjective. I haven't seen every newb come here and then leave because they feel insulted; might apply to some, doesn't apply to all. It has happened, for sure, but I've also been witness to people being appreciative about a bare-bones approach, even with stinging words involved.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post
It may be I'm particularly sensitive to this because I personally work hard to curb my own bluntness and sarcasm. There is no tone in text so extra care should be taken to make sure that your words can be understood as intended regardless of tone.
But curbing isn't always an option for other people. You may feel it's problematic so you're doing something about it. Outside of that others will view it differently. And there is tone in text. Books are full of tone in text. Posts on a forum on the Internet are no different. No matter how you word something there will always be one other person who misinterprets what you're trying to get across. Period. Online and offline.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post
I find it interesting, though, and perhaps telling how many comments turned "being kind and compassionate" into coddling, "Aww, that's okay" and "everything will be alright". That isn't what I mean at all. Say what you feel needs to be said, absolutely, but there's a huge difference between, "I think you really need to take a look at your situation and the potential damage it could cause, because is this what I'm worried about:" and, "Oh my god, are you fucking kidding me?? You can't be serious. I feel sick just reading this." (Both of those "quotes" are made up by me, as examples. They are not actual quotes of anything.) The latter is about as helpful as coddling, which is not at all.
I won't debate the coddling thing, because I've seen it. Just like I've seen that last example.
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