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Old 05-29-2012, 07:16 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 1,411

Good news, everyone!

Sadly, not divorce related. Nothing new on that front.

This is about Seamus. I didn't want to talk about it too early for fear of jinxing it, but Seamus met someone.
Well, he has known her for a while. Actually I gave him the okay a year ago. At the time though, she said she wasn't interested in dating a taken man.

Recently, they got closer. They talked about poly a bunch (she had that misconception that she was supposed to have sex with me too, he set her straight on that), and at a party they got really drunk and started flirting and then kissing.

Now, they were with other friends who know me, and although Seamus is out to his friends, they must not have understood he was serious because they stopped him. A friend in particular, who took his car keys so he wouldn't drive, prevented him from spending the night at her place and took him to his place instead.

Seamus was a bit annoyed, but I pointed out that it was probably for the best not to have your first experience together while drunk. You never know if one of you might regret it later, and you might make really stupid judgment calls, like not wearing protection, etc.

After that they kept in touch, and after a few days they went on a date and he spent the night at her place. They had protected, non-intercourse sex.

The one problem is that she still doesn't seem quite comfortable with poly. She has stated that she wants it to end when I get back into the country.
We are in contact online, though. We also met in real life, but I met so many people on that occasion that I have to admit I don't remember her.

She also seems to want to hide their relationship from the friends they have in common. To be fair I can understand, since most of them know me they apparently got very judgmental with her and accused her of trying to break Seamus and me up while I'm away or something. But on the other hand, I don't like the idea of hiding things.

Seamus respects the fact that she wants to hide it, but says he personally really couldn't care less who knows or doesn't know.

I'm hoping that in the time it takes me to get back to the US, she'll be more comfortable with the hole situation. After all in one year she went from not wanting anything to do with it to wanting a relationship, hidden and while I'm away, sure, but that's still progress.

I think she understand that it's not cheating but that she has some trouble externalizing it or something. And she's really worried what people will think of her if they know.

I'll wait to see how the situation evolves now, but I'm very excited and happy. There have been a few hiccups, for instance he sent me a message telling me he was at her place, but wouldn't stay the night, and so I waited for him to get back home, but he actually fell asleep and I waited for nothing - he had to go to work directly and didn't go back home at all. That was frustrating, but I kept busy as I waited and in the end there was no harm done. He was very apologetic and I think from now on we'll just assume he's spending the night when he sees her, so that I don't wait for nothing.
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