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Old 05-29-2012, 07:09 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Sometimes they get, "oh, geez, that's tough, here what I think and what happened to me. Maybe it will help you sort it out" I find the latter to be far more helpful as it give the person their power back to make their own choices.
I completely agree. I don't have a problem with honesty or even bluntness. What I have a problem with, and what I think is difficult to get across without specific examples (though I take Annabel's point of discussing this in general terms) is when bluntness crosses a line to insulting. It may be I'm particularly sensitive to this because I personally work hard to curb my own bluntness and sarcasm. There is no tone in text so extra care should be taken to make sure that your words can be understood as intended regardless of tone. I find it interesting, though, and perhaps telling how many comments turned "being kind and compassionate" into coddling, "Aww, that's okay" and "everything will be alright". That isn't what I mean at all. Say what you feel needs to be said, absolutely, but there's a huge difference between, "I think you really need to take a look at your situation and the potential damage it could cause, because is this what I'm worried about:" and, "Oh my god, are you fucking kidding me?? You can't be serious. I feel sick just reading this." (Both of those "quotes" are made up by me, as examples. They are not actual quotes of anything.) The latter is about as helpful as coddling, which is not at all.

So, I suggest, ignoring the harsh with understanding and empathy and embrace the positive, supportive kindness.
I will try. Perhaps instead of calling out specific posters in a thread I will notify the mods when I feel there's a post that's REALLY out of line.
We make people work on their shit. that to me is how it should be.
True dat!
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
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