Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe
Just for the hell of it - let's put it the other direction and see if you/we feel differently.
In our Vee I am the only one who produces a significant income. The three of us live quite comfortable on that income so neither of them is under any pressure to contribute to the communal coffers - although they are free to do so (neither is particularly disposed to regular employment - neither is seeking such - I am not pushing for it/ negating it - I view it as a personal decision - I like having them available whenever I want their company vs. I would like the additional financial support, it's pretty even). There are no kids to consider. I pay all of the communal bills from our communal funds - funded by my income. They each have credit cards that they can use to purchase items for themselves or communal use (within reason - large purchases are expected to be discussed.)
In addition to the above - my legal husband (of 16 years) has his own credit card and each month I put a set amount of "fun money" into his private account for him(them? - I don't know if they have any arrangement between them) to spend on luxuries (we laughingly call this "hookers and drugs" money - acknowledging that he doesn't need to account to me how this money is spent). He is expected to pay his own credit card from this account, which includes any money that he generates independently. In addition I fund his Roth IRA maximally every year.
Dude has his own credit card and bank account which I have nothing to do with. Obviously he benefits financially by having room/board/routine living expenses covered without contributing financially to the household. Any money that he generates is his to do with whatever he wants.
The boys are expected to deal with routine "staying at home" duties while I am working - home/car maintenance, shopping, cooking, taking the dogs to the vet, etc. If one of them got a job I would expect them to contribute to the communal coffers and their "at home" duty expectation would be reduced based on the amount of time that they weren't "at home".
So? If one of my "husbands" elects to leave the household, or I can no longer maintain a relationship with them (for whatever reason) am I expected to "provide for" them in some way just because I have chosen to/ agreed to do so in the past? Why or why not?
IMPO you don't have to take care of anyone regardless of how your relationship function. it just seems that if you and your other partners decided that one person didn't work for the dynamic you want and they were largely dependent on you, I feel the least that should be done is helping them with their basic needs even if it is a one time set up. it doesn't have to constitute monthly alimony. you wouldn't pay all their bills and let them have credit cards but when you are suddenly out on your own after being in a committed relationship that you were cast out of it seems only right that help would be offered.
I'm not saying if poly/plyg became legal it should be mandatory but I do think couples should consider it. Maybe less people would think that this is just for fun and sex and realize there is an actual commitment and work if they looked at it from this point of view.