Originally Posted by dragonflysky
transcendental: I am shocked and disappointed that a sex therapist....especially one you saw for 2 years....wouldn't have INSISTED that possible medical/physical causation be ruled out before therapy progressed very far!!
Glad to hear you're going to someone different now!
With my husband it wasn't medical at all, it was all mental. The first psychologist just tried to tackle "the penis." It never seemed to occur to him that if things weren't progressing there must be some underlying causes. Within two sessions the specialist sexual relations/polyamory therapist had changed everything! It came down to one magic word. She said "sometimes people just want to fuck." My reply was "he won't feel comfy with the fuck word." My husband never realized it until a third party said so! After he accepted that he had a problem with sexualizing sex (rather than it being making love or cute teenage nonsense) it all became much better! We had proper normal length sex the other day. It was fab!
Lia: Good luck! It took me years to persuade my husband there were sexual issues between us. Luckily he is able to separate my being poly from his sexuality. I think that because that was tackled slowly over a number of years when the poly-bomb dropped it was logical. It helps that our relationship is perfect in every other way. We still haven't progressed enough that I am able to have a fully physical relationship with someone (I posted about that elsewhere!). I'm hoping that will come (and soon!).