I doubt anyone will read this, but it is a handy place to update my story if anyone is checking.
I went to the therapist. AMAZING!!!!
Then husband came too: revolutionary!!!!!
It just goes to show the difference a proper coach with real expertise in sexual difference can make.
My husband finally realized that he has a problem with sex. For the first time he began to acknowledge that sex really could be for fun. He is still pretty vanilla (ok, very vanilla) but everything else is much better. It isn't what anyone would call good sex, but compared to no sex HEAVEN!!!!!
He has also accepted that I am poly. Seeing how much happier I am with that knowledge made a big difference. Also realizing he fell in love with me when I was seeing two people kind of helped.
He has been ok with me flirting and hanging out with people. He has been ok with me building emotional connections. The physical ones though....tough call. We'll see how it develops...
Thanks for your support peeps!