I wonder how much of this has to do with him being military. I am with a military man and that whole stupid bossing people around, control, higher command bullshit drives me crazy. I don't tolerate it myself, but then I'm pretty dominant myself. His home life is not the military.
I would wonder if he feels a sense of lack of control as a result though. I wonder if he has a hard time being away from you and being deployed often. The sense of closeness and commitment that comes with being close can wear down so easily. Especially over time. I wonder if you could try a different approach? Maybe lavish him with love and understanding while standing your ground. Its absolutely ridiculous that he thinks he can just take sex from someone, that would be rape, but whatever; maybe instead of saying so you could tell him firmly that you will not accept his three day ultimatum, will not stop seeing this woman, will not go near the idea of. A threesome or any other sex that involves him and that you appreciate he is having a hard time and love him and miss him. Then add that when he is ready to talk about boundaries rather than rules you will be waiting and ready to negotiate with respect and understanding.
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