Originally Posted by AnnabelMore
But just having "hypocritical" *feelings* is perfectly normal and fine. You should do just what you're now, recognize and examine them and keep working them, but just having scared/jealous feelings in no way makes you bad or abnormal. It's gonna be ok!
thanks AnnabelMore .. I've had some issues lately talking to my mono friends about these things and its hard to explain these hypocritical feelings to them.. they will tell me 'how can you be upset about something your husband does, when you're doing the exact same thing?'
I guess that's why I came here to talk about it
@Aurelie, yes that's exactly what I mean.. it's very interesting to me.. and it's definitely something I want to work on because I feel it challenges me.
I think with me it has mostly to do with changes in the dynamic that I find upsetting. I have 2 lovers, and one of them already had another girlfriend when I met him. I've never ever been jealous of her. Part of that is because of who and what he is (extremely clear about his needs, intentions, and affections - no room for interpretation there) but it's also because I accepted the situation like that from the beginning.
My other guy was involved with someone when I met him and she broke up with him. I was upset when they broke up (change of dynamic) and I would be upset now when he meets someone new (again, change of dynamic). But I am changing the dynamics constantly and expect everybody else to be on board. Hm.