Originally Posted by corey
My impression, and her descriptions is she likes to have guy friends, she likes the attention and they are just friends but there is no emotional relationship like she and I have, to her it is just sex.
I do find it confusing because you do have emotions even for a friend? So how can there not be more to this than casual sex. She wants to hang out with them like a friend and do activities and of course that includes sex.
She tells me that my acceptance of this makes her feel "free" and otherwise she just feels like a bird in a cage and that me accepting this really shows to her i love her (which to me feels like saying something to your folks "i want a car dad, cuz then I can help with the errands and it will make things easier for you"
She says she hangs out primarly just one person because its difficult to find someone that she approves of and also only wants casual situation and not serious relationship.
That sounds far more swinger, then poly...
Either way my advice to you...
Needs to be said, but will leave it at: have you/her considered and comfortable with the obvious health concerns.
Are you happy/comfortable/getting what you need out of the relationship?
Are you concerned that will change if she finds more friends?
Address with her any concerns from the above two questions, if those are settled then you need to look at:
If she decided she need to spend time doing floral knitting, while taking a mud bath (or some other utterly female activity you have no desire/interest in) would you be upset if she took time off to do this? Or would you be happy that she is doing something she enjoys (even if you don't) and also put your time to doing something you enjoy. (most relationship do involve 'me time' away from SO).
Now ask yourself, is what she wanting really any different. (besides the very first health concern question, and even that what if she wanted to skydive, or practice stunt driving).
If she is honest with you (lying/cheating/dishonesty doesn't make anyone feel good), is not neglecting you, and she is not endangering your/her health then ask yourself, aren't you happy if she is doing something that makes her happy.
A final thought.... It is also possible she is feeling that you are not giving her enough attention. It might also be worth it for YOU to try to flirt with her some.. She may honestly want others, but it could also be an attempt to get you to give her more attention after 14 years she may feel, you take her for granted.... and some of the zest is gone.. (perhaps replaced by a deeper warmer confidence of a stable glow, but that fiery spark might be missed). You might want to text her about hooking up.... pretend your trying to seduce her for that first date... Send her an email asking if she will go out with you... That might be all she is really wanting also.