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Old 05-27-2012, 10:44 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by fuchka View Post
My instinct is to run and cocoon and deal with myself by myself rather than work things through together. I'm not suggesting this is a good idea, but it's what I feel drawn towards. I'm okay, by myself. I don't feel bad, I am self-sufficient.

Carob said "isn't being vulnerable the whole point of relationships" and yeah, exactly, he's right. I just wish you didn't have to be vulnerable the whole time, ah, man, can't we take a break? It's been full-on... moving cities, coping with bouts of depression, and also a new relationship dynamic...
I don't think being vulnerable is the point of being in relationship, but I do feel that good relationships allow space for us to feel vulnerable... or strong.. or witty... or depressed... and whatever else we feel. But if we need space and time to be alone, and in a cocoon for a while, we should be able to have that too.

Always being pressed to process stuff can be taxing and isn't appropriate for everyone, all the time. If you need time to yourself, take it, but make positive use of it. Though it may be tempting just to pull the covers up and cry, and doing so may give you a cathartic release, also (or instead) get out or go do something that makes you feel renewed and refreshed, even if it's a stroll through the park or ten minutes of window-shopping (bubble baths have been known to work wonders for me!).

Just because the people we're close to want All Togetherness All The Time doesn't mean we are wrong to want some time apart to unhinge and collect ourselves. They have to make an effort to understand that talking time for yourself is not an affront to anyone else, but something necessary, that satisfies your personality.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

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