View Single Post
  #1  
Old 05-27-2012, 05:51 PM
naana naana is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3
Default mono/poly, LDR and time management

Shortly:
1. How to get enough time in a poly LDR where 2/3 of the V live together and the third one is mono and in another country?
2. How to manage it without someone getting miserable almost every week?

i've been in a V-triad for a bit less than two years now. i identify as mono but since i was friends with both my partner (A) and her other partner (M) before me joining the family, i haven't really had problems with jealousy. However, A and M live together in another country and now i find it almost impossible to get my fair share of the ...primary-ness?

We've talked about it couple of times and it has been pretty good for a short while after our conversations but after a while it usually slips back in one way or another.

Our hinge doesn't work or study at the moment, but i have two part-time jobs and school while M manages a fulltime job. Since i live two hours ahead (+2 GMT) of them, i can usually get some time for my relationship before M gets back from work, but it is also the time of the day i would like to use for my friends and family - i am more social than the rest of our V is. Also, it really isn't the same when we get interrupted after couple of hours.

In theory, we have 3 days when it is mostly me and A (online), and 3 days for M and A (computer isn't on) & one shared day. In practice, M is usually still at home on my days, and gets bored when A is only on computer and she doesn't have anything else to do so every once in a while we end up watching something together or what not. i don't usually have the heart to ask her to leave the room, and when A does it, M sometimes gets annoyed and grumpy. When i don't get enough partner-time, i get annoyed and grumpy.

Usually everything ends up with A crying and everyone else being miserable as well.

i don't know if i am being too demanding. A and M have already made lots of compromises and sometimes i want more offline time on our days (=go eat with friends, have walks and what not, actually live ). Breaking up is not an option but i don't know if i can go on like this, right now it's affecting my mental health.




i am sorry about this long and probably a bit incoherent post. i am more than happy to answer to any questions / any advice is muchly appreciated.
Reply With Quote