Originally Posted by Derbylicious
You don't mention anywhere in your post a history of being attracted to women. More specifically it sounds like you're not attracted to THIS woman (for a variety of reasons). No one should EVER be sexually involved with another person for the gratification of someone else. How does your husband feel about you exploring poly to find a partner who you are into? Is it only ok with him if you have a shared partner who he finds and brings home to you? What if you were to meet another man you fell for? Would he be on board with you exploring that?
Also why do YOU need to be poly for him to be? If you're not feeling it and don't desire another partner but support him in his relationship where's the problem? It sounds like you and he have a lot more talking to do.
I'll add that I would hope that you forgive him his transgressions some day. But, that's different than saying I hope you come to accept this relationship and be poly (for him). This may not be the right answer for you. Take the time that you need to figure it out. Ask for the things you need to work it out in good faith. If he's not willing to help you work it through, then that's important information for how things will go (badly) as a poly couple.
Sounds difficult. Very sorry that you were introduced to poly this way. I wish you well.