Originally Posted by BaggagePatrol
RP: Being a newer member of the forum gives me a different perspective on things, I think. For me, it's easier for those with some grounding and experience to "take things with a grain of salt." I know it's becoming easier for me already! However, I think it's more challenging for those floundering and trapped in a place way out of their depth who are here (desperately) hoping to find help from people with wisdom and experience. From a purely philosophical perspective, I can see your point, but when it comes down to needing serious advice to help ground you, I don't think it's the right time to be "letting go of ideas of what your reality is." Often people come here in an extremely vulnerable state, lost, confused and needing guidance. To me, being harsh, brushing them off, or being impatient doesn't seem like the best approach! That being said, you seriously know your stuff, and I respect your wisdom in regards to poly, this forum, and how it is run. You are living proof that poly works, and works well.
"In need of grounding" is a good way to put it. I said "take it with a grain of salt" and "letting go of your idea of what reality is" as a goal. Not a do this or I'm going to yell at you to get a grip.
When someone writes here they should not expect to always get the exact piece of advice that makes it all better. They get a deluge sometimes of differing opinions and different approaches to expressing that approach. This a place of written word and I think it na´ve that they would think that all their needs would be met here. I don't know, maybe that's old fashioned?
That being said, we've grown a culture here of patience, cooperation and kind support. Ya, its a total drag to repeat the same things over and over, but I would hope that if someone is at their wits end trying to hold it together while posting because they can't believe yet another unicorn hunter is asking why they should try a new approach, or whatever, then I suggest they take a break, take a breath and come back later. Maybe vent it out in a post they don't send.
This forum has seen many changes in three years. I can tell you we are not discussing the stuff we did back then. Things do change with time. We had barely any posts about unicorn hunting at the beginning now we do. I suspect it will change again as people become more and more aware of poly theory. Setting an example of being grounded and suggesting that others find the same place through working slowly through their own issues is probably the best anyone can suggest. Most of the stuff people go through is their own emotions. Sure, the issues may be similar, but they are the ones who have to find their own grounding. I think it always helps to let them know that they can find grounding if they get through the emotional content they are experiencing.
I agree, being harsh, brushing them off and being impatient is not the way, but really, we are all human and we all are grumpy sometimes and there is always someone on a thread that is posting from a different place than others. Its life. Someone in crisis is not always going to get the response of "oh no! You're in crisis! We better all rally round and give you what you want to make it all go away!" Sometimes they get, "oh, geez, that's tough, here what I think and what happened to me. Maybe it will help you sort it out" I find the latter to be far more helpful as it give the person their power back to make their own choices.
So, I suggest, ignoring the harsh with understanding and empathy and embrace the positive, supportive kindness. It is good to talk about this now and then (any of you remember Neon?
). There are many that have left here feeling supported and cared for I am not concerned that some don't. Its too bad and I like to think that often we do our best, but this place is not for everyone. That's a proven fact. We make people work on their shit.
that to me is how it should be.