It sounds like she isn an extrovert who is not use to dealing with introverts. So I think you should make the move to communicate with her. Let her know how confused you feel and how you are trying.
Just because they have been doing this longer doesn't mean they have everything worked out. So it doesn't soundlike you are making any newbie mistakes. It sounds more like communication issues. I think you should directly talk to her instead of through your boyfriend.
I wish you well.