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Old 05-26-2012, 05:05 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BaggagePatrol View Post
NYCyndie: I have no doubts that you're receiving positive feedback. With up to eight postings a day (totaling a mind-boggling 4,464 posts over the past 18 months), you're bound to hear back from a certain percentage of people who you have assisted with your research and ideas. I know that when I was feeling particularly judged and attacked by you (in my blog, no less) I read your blog, and quickly came to the realization that you were a woman operating largely from a research/opinion perspective, who had very little actual poly relationship experience. I would like to suggest that you treat people with a little more gentleness and consciousness. When people respond to your replies with phrases like "I came here for advice on my feelings from people I thought would have a better sense of if what I was feeling was normal for this type of venture or not. I think what I've gotten is a clear picture of I don't belong here." I think it may be time to re-evaluate your communication style.
I do recall that I had written a few posts before realizing your thread was in the Blogs section, because I came to it via the "New Posts" link. I often don't look at the forum heading right away. And I believe I apologized. If not, I am sorry. I never have the goal of attacking anyone, so it is unfortunate you felt that way.

My style is my style, though. I won't change it just to please anyone who lets themselves get miffed by it. And there is consciousness in every post I write. Just because you don't like it, don't presume that I have no awareness of what I'm doing. Jeez, what a laugh. And gentleness isn't always the best way to get a point across. If people get it, they get it. If they don't, they don't. I'm not here to coddle anyone.

And I don't know why you say I am only doing research and have very little poly experience. That is the second time, I believe, that you've specifcally said I don't have much poly experience, as if it were a put-down or like you're trying to expose me, LOL. I never said I am an expert at poly, I just use my common sense and relationship experience, and I've had a lot of relationships. I've dabbled in lots of different things that I draw on when I share here - is that a crime? I certainly wouldn't call the things I've lived "research." Sure, it's only been two years since my ex and I split and I embraced poly, but that doesn't negate my opinions as a rational human being who has had lots and lots of relationships both good and bad. And I don't write here about every guy I see, just the most significant ones. I take part in the poly community here when I can, have poly friends in real life, and practice polyamory as a solo. My feedback is based on my experience in relationships, not research. And if I don't know something, I admit it. I don't pretend to be something I'm not.

The basic qualities needed for good relationships apply to both poly and mono, and there are plenty of people here who are not poly who give their opinions just like I do. You don't really need to know all that much about poly to recognize what makes a good relationship possible or what's going to fuck things up. So, who cares if I have ever been in a poly relationship or not? My opinions are mine and that's what this forum is for. We could all be impostors and hermits living in basements in front of our computers, spinning tales. How would you know? (well, some of us have met each other IRL) We've got people who are virgins or asexuals coming here and discussing sex, and we've got monos and inexperienced newbies discussing poly. This forum is like our Village Green. Take what you like and leave the rest. Call me the village idiot if you want -- I don't care one bit what you think of me. You don't know anything about me, really. I'm very careful what I reveal here and my blog is such a tiny glimpse. Have a beautiful day!
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 05-26-2012 at 05:16 PM.
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